Tribute

four. at a mall. tantrum. she asks me what's wrong, i can't give an answer so i choose to cry some more. she brings her face to my eye-level, wipes off my tears and gives me my rather ugly but favorite orange stuffed animal to hold.

five. walking towards a concert hall. i trip over a feeble stone, scratch my knees on the rough cement ground. tears trickle down my face which later becomes a waterfall. she simply picks me up and lets me cry on her shoulder, soaking her very fine blouse.

seven. crossing the street. light is progressing its way from green, yellow to red. with my favorite sailormoon toy in one hand and her hand in the other, we rush to cross the road. in the process, i drop my toy but am too rushed to do anything about it. seconds later, vehicles stampede upon my precious toy. she realizes after looking at my now empty hand and risks her life to pick up the remains even with the light still red. i cry out with all my heart as she lays the broken toy in my hands. she comforts me and teaches me that the best things in life aren't things.

fast forward. twelve. i am home alone and i decide to go on icq (back in the days before msn/aim), something that she clearly told me not to download. she comes back unexpectedly right when i launch it and i frantically try to close up every possible evidence on screen. she looks at me oddly as i try too hard to look calm. she realizes something is up, sits down in front of the screen and states "you were on icq weren't you." i am filled with rising panic and i lie right in front of her face. she stands up from the stool, gives me one stern look and tells me she hates liars and leaves. i am filled with unfathomable guilt and regret and understand the meaning of tough love.

seventeen. my beloved grandma passes away. my dad being the only son, it came down to her to take care of my widowed grandpa. living in hong kong and already being so far away from her own parents in japan, she took the role as a caretaker of her in-law. our visits to japan became mainly to keep my widowed grandpa company and as much as she wanted to see her own parents, she stayed to make sure he was getting his balanced meal, getting his clothes washed and doing all his secretarial type of errands due to his inability to walk. she would never complain and would do everything wholeheartedly, but once in awhile i would catch her gazing out longing for something. there was no doubt stress was building inside her and as much as she could take any obstacles, it was her turn to shed some tears. i watch her from behind and could only start to understand what a self-less person she has been. a rush of epiphany runs through me and i realize all the sacrifices that went unnoticed throughout the years for me and my brother. that day, she gave me the perseverance to not complain, appreciate everything and most importantly find happiness in the situations i'm placed in.

i know it's not mothers day anymore but who said we can't appreciate our mothers everyday? i love my mom with all my heart and it hurts to know that there are mothers out there who are not appreciated enough. i have to remind myself what it feels like to be in their shoes and to be treated with disrespect by your own child. like most mothers say, you can only start to appreciate your own mother until you become a parent one day.

i think my mom is amazing and beautiful. though i have to admit, i am a little biased ;)