Sisterly Love

eleven months after i popped out of my mom, my brother decided to pop out. why the rush on my mom's part? well, maybe someone can ask her for me. time didn't allow me to realize the significance of another addition to our family. chance didn't allow me to adjust because my brother existed before i knew how to even walk and talk. that's how fast it all happened between my brother and i.

based purely on my childhood memory, i have to say i was one mean sister. all i can remember are the verbal abuse, physical fights and constant domination. i was always a stronger, healthier child - i just never got sick. my theory is that i pretty much took away all the nutrients from my mom's body and left my brother with nothing. so that makes me a bully even as a fetus in my mom's belly. some horrible things i remember doing off the top of my head: scratching his mole off from the back, breaking his glasses in half, spitting all over his face, dressing him up like a girl, putting make up on his face (couldn't resist his big eyes/long eyelashes), blaming him when i was the one that stole ten bucks from my dad, putting all the toys where my brother couldn't reach, kicking/punching him on a daily basis (though i have to say i was done the same), singing songs about what a crybaby he was. yes, it's horrible. please don't judge me. in my defense, im going to say i was probably jealous of him. it really is unfortunate that it took me ten years to realize how cute he really was.

i really don't know where the tipping point was but somewhere in our lives, we matured and decided to get along. not that we never got along while we were kids. after all, we were so close in age... we pretty much did everything together. just as much i remember the bad times than the good, some of my happiest moments are with him. but it really wasn't until the late teens that we started to appreciate one another. i look up to him for his amazing singing skills, his brutal honesty and his deep care for my family. he has his way of lightening up the mood and he can be quite an entertainer sometimes. i know i suffer a little from having two personalities but i've always felt that i can be myself the most around him.

so in case you were wondering why this post is all about him, it's because he's coming back home tomorrow! it's been way too long since my family has been united under the same roof. 

How Many Wishes?

what you wish to know now, you wish to know before.

but what you wished before, do you wish to know now?

what you wish you wished to know, will that wish ever come true?

do you ever wish you never wished something you wished before?

does wishing for more wish ever come to an end?

does thinking before you wish make a difference in wishing more or less?

and is anyone wishing i would just stop using the word “wish” right about now?

because i’m sort of wishing i never started this whole blog about wishes.
truth is, it's hard to come up with wish structures as you're wishing for something else

this is when i wished i knew something before so that i don’t wish to do something wishful.

anyways, i do want to wish everyone well before i make all your wishes come true.

yes, i will shut up now.

A/B/O/AB

maybe because i’m the oldest. maybe because i’m a girl. maybe because i’m asian. maybe because i’m japanese. maybe because i’m blood type A. i can’t help but to be sensitive about people’s needs. i’m like a prying creature watching out for any cues that may hint at what he or she wants. i have the need to prevent problems before they happen. the last thing i want is for people to feel uncomfortable around me, go out of their way to help me and have awkward moments with me. i see it as a burden when people do something for me when they could easily use that time to do something else. i hate it  when people have to wait for me – exactly why i like to shop alone. i hate it when i take people’s time away - exactly why i never like to call people. i hate it when people have to do something out of their way - exactly why i never ask people to do something for me. but don't get me wrong. i like it when i hang out with people that like to shop. i like it when people call me instead. i like it when people depend on me for help. babies grow by feeding on milk. i grow by feeding on people’s needs. it’s when i feel most human.

when i’m shopping (by myself) and trying on clothes that don’t fit me (which is usually the case), i can’t seem to just throw the handful of clothes to the workers. i have to individually clip it back to the hanger the way it looked, fold everything like fresh laundry and take it back exactly where i first took them. yes, i know workers are paid to do this, but when i see them folding endless amount of clothes waiting to be put back in place, i can’t seem to let myself increase their load.

another thing, when i’m eating at some fast food restaurant/food court, i can’t seem to just leave my finished food on the table and leave. i have to wipe off the table, dump the finished goods and return the tray. i know this is expected in some countries, but in a place like hong kong where people are abrupt about everything, it really is okay to just leave it for the workers to clean up. but then my inner guilt kicks in and i can’t seem to let it happen. 

there's actually a whole theory about personalities based on different blood types. do you know what you are? if not, go donate blood! it's for a good cause :)