Inspiration

when i was young, i dreamed to be a singer. i watched in awe every music show available in japan that my grandma would record just for me to be sent to hong kong. i especially adored this one j-pop star, namie amuro, and i loved her so much, i was determined to name my daughter after her if i ever had one.

but i was too shy and i couldnt sing. at least not as good as my brother and i was able to take that as a sign as something i shouldn't pursue. that dream still remains in my heart but it is more of a fantasy dream than a realistic dream.

then my love for dogs came. i know many people love dogs, that's normal. but what's not normal is to spend your allowance on dog encyclopedias and to spend your free time copying exactly word for word what's written in that book onto another notebook. i still have this notebook in fact and as i skim through, i realize that i even copied down the friggin index. oh and the page number of course. i knew exactly what category a certain breed would be classified under, what their personalities are, what kind of food you should feed them, what their average weight and height are etc. not to mention i took the time to draw out what these dogs look like. it is insane. which is why i have such a hard time throwing this dinky little notebook away after all these years because of the time and effort i sacrificed for this.

but i couldn't even let a dog survive for more than two weeks after spontaneously buying a shitzu at a random pet store. honestly, there was nothing we could've done, the puppy was apparently already sick when we bought her at the pet store (just shows how some dogs are poorly taken care of). but to a dog connoisseur that i thought i was, it was purely devastating. why couldn't i prevent her from dying? that was my only thought when i went to bury her away with my mom and my brother. i think ever since, ive stopped my crazy dog obsession and i think i can safely say that i am just an average normal dog lover.

so why am i writing about this? because im starting to understand what it means to be passionate about something. my best friend is a very passionate person. she knows exactly what she wants and she'll sacrifice a lot of things to achieve that dream. i tell her she's damn lucky she knows what she wants in life. but she tells me she wishes she weren't so passionate so she doesnt have to feel like she hits rock bottom every time things don't work out. so i tell her, but imagine when things do work out eventually, how fulfilling that would feel! would you rather look back on your life realizing you haven't accomplished a thing just because you were scared to face hardships? she gave me a hug.         

i know my life revolves around work these days and my responsibilities keep increasing by the day. i really do like my job and my teammates make it worth going to work. but am i passionate about what i do? probably not. and it makes me wonder if i ever will find something i can be passionate about.

to me someone who knows what they want, full of passion and works hard to achieve that dream is simply inspriring and rather attractive. it is my hope to be that person one day.